There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
