we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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