Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was confusing and full of hummus
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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