I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
