i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
