can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
