the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
