i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
