i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
