She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
