so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
