I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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