Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
