She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
