i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
