New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
