dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
