yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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