remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
