Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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