oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
