I have demons in me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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