OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cannot find my penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
