and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
