bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
