At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
