haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
