even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
