Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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