I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I understand Curling. That high.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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