Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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