I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
