God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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