does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
