It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
