i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
