Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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