just come out here and I will go home with you...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
