I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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