I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
