Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
