Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone

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(778): View more from British Columbia

No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.

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(387): View more from

The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?

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(347): View more from New York

Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.

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