$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
