VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
