I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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