So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
