I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
