dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
