walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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