your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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